A Long Awaiting... We Made It!

Make sure you read my previous post on our journey...
Coming Up for Air
Picking Up the Pieces
Eye of the Tiger

Well here we are, 4 days away from Wesson turning one year old.  I sit and type this as I listen to the soothing sound of my breast pump.  I used to hate that sound, and I mean hate it! I would cover it up with a pillow, a blanket, or anything that I could get my hands on that I thought would silence it.  That hum hum hum humming, almost like a pulse... Oh my gosh I hated it and I wanted it to stop.  Now I can't image my life without that sound. How would I start my day? How would I go to bed at night? That sound was my heart beat for almost an entire year.  Tonight it ends. 

I am holding back the tears because in my head I can't image why I would be sad at the thought of not being tied to this machine.  But this machine represents my life and even more, the best of life that I could give my son. I have a love hate relationship with this thing and I don't know how to cut my ties. Every day, every 3-4hrs there it was, like that itch that wouldn't go away. It's my life line. I'm devastated at the thought of not waking up to it and rushing through getting breakfast ready, so that I can hurry and sit down and pump. I'm devastated at the fact that a year has gone by and I'm devastated at the fact that I had to use the thing in the first place. 

I hate how life literally flashes by.  I can't believe where I was just over a year ago.  I was that dazed, half asleep, zombie mom with a newborn baby. I was transitioning from mom of one to mom of two, and thought "I did this all before, so it's go to be easy." I feel like our struggle was just yesterday and I still feel the pain from it all. How did we get there? How did I get through it? I mean, how was it all seriously almost one year ago? I'm dumbfounded by it all. I'm also grateful, happy, and excited.  I'm grateful for the amazing people that I met along my broken path. I could've have gotten where I am today without my amazing family and even more the most amazing women that donated milk to us. I'm happy that I reached my goal and Wesson was on breast milk for an entire year. I can't believe that we made it! It's exciting to know that I'm stronger than I thought I was. I didn't give up and that's the most important part of it all. I knew that I could do it and I did it! Man, it was hard and then some.  I honestly can't even count how many times I wanted to throw in the towel, but when I looked into his sweet perfect face I knew that I couldn't. I couldn't give up on him!

Well there it is, our year is over. I don't know where to go from here, but all that I know is no matter what's ahead we will get through it! I was given this amazing, loving, happy baby boy and my life wouldn't be the same without him or the road we've taken.